Was I Using Cover-Up or Was I Covering Up?

Week 3 of my 8 week cleanse to heal acne from the inside out.

Last week after the burns on my face cleared up, I decided to stop using concealer in hopes that giving my skin a chance to breathe might help it heal. My breakouts were still clearly visible but I was feeling defeated by my many unsuccessful attempts to cover up my blemishes, and my Tizo 3 mineral sunscreen is tinted, so I figured if I’m going to do this I need to go all-in. My concealer is labeled non-comedogenic, but it certainly wasn’t helping the problem go away any faster. And I was exhausted by the amount of time and effort I had to spend touching up my makeup throughout the day. But if I’m being totally honest, the worst part was looking in the mirror every few hours, face-to-face with the reality of how bad my skin looked even with concealer, and the added guilt of knowing that the more I used the longer I was prolonging the problem. And since I know the bone broth is a long-term solution, I knew something had to give if I’m going to get through the next 6 weeks without a breakup.

I wasn’t comfortable the first time I left the house with all my breakouts exposed for the world to see.

But I realized once I was finally out, I quickly forgot about my skin. Although every time I passed a mirror in the bathroom I was jolted by a quick dose of reality. Was it ideal? Not in the least. But every time it happened I felt the discomfort a little less, so it was definitely progress.

After a few days I even started to feel better about it, some days I even felt GOOD. You know that part of a relationship where you go from casually dating to telling your friends you’re exclusive? That phase in a relationship is exciting and full of anticipation —but nerve wracking all at the same time. I can’t help but think, ‘what are my friends going to say?’ But I took the plunge last week, and as tough as it was, it was also really freeing.

Though some of my hormonal acne is holding on strong, my skin is much less irritated so it feels like I’m making moves in the right direction.

Covering up all my blemishes took forever, and many days I felt like they were even more noticeable after I tried to hide them. I was starting to feel like leaving the house to do anything was a chore. But last week saved my relationship. After our admittedly rocky start, taking a leap of faith was exactly what I needed. I felt like I had taken off a mask, which ironically — I kind of did. I figure the people in my life who care about me and love me will see past my skin. And anyone who doesn’t, can find their tribe somewhere else. Because I’m at a place where I only want to spend my time with people who bring joy to my life. Carrying that kind of toxic and negative energy is what got me into this situation in the first place.

I wasn’t just covering up my blemishes, I was covering up my insecurity and my self-esteem.

And now that I’ve stopped using concealer, I don’t want to cover up anymore. Not my skin or my face, my mind or my dreams — but most importantly, not my voice or my soul. So here’s to the honeymoon phase, my friends! Time to strip down and get real. And as part of my challenge to heal my skin from the inside, I’m going in to see my OBGYN this week to see what we can do to address any hormonal imbalances (a part of my transition into full adulthood that I’ve admittedly put off since I turned 30). I’ll be sharing all the updates on our stories @daughtersbrand on IG so you can find out what my doctor recommends too.



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Was I Using Cover-Up or Was I Covering Up? was originally published in We are All Daughters. on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

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